Discovering Perspective

I'm free! I'm free! So many things that I've been telling myself "As soon as summer is here." But where to start?

The reading list.

This is always the hardest one to deal with, especially this year after Tom's Foundations of Modernism class where there were no textbooks or readings but every class there were three or four books added to the to read list.

"It's a good book. I highly recommend it. Read it. Not now. In the summer when you have time. I'm not going to test you on it. Don't worry. I'll tell you what's on the exam. Just pay attention in class. Listen with your eyes and stop writing. Thank you!" (I wish I could write in the proper Tom accent but those who know him will appreciate it)

The other problem is trying to transcribe his mumblings into author names that I have some hope of looking up and hoping that the book isn't out of print as many of the recommended readings in architecture appear to be.

I don't enjoy recreational reading as much anymore. I prefer philosophical and architectural philosophy. The last fictional novel I enjoyed was "Spadework" by Timothy Findley and I suppose "Baron in the Trees" by Italo Calvino (but Calvino fits into the architectural theory category even though it is fiction).

There are also so many good articles I've intended to finish reading and the rest of the readings for the Phenomenology class I unfortunately had to drop but am still very interested in completing on my own.

Work

Yuck, this is a tough one. I've spent the last four months looking for and applying for architectural and/or design related jobs for the summer and haven't had a single response. Not a big deal, I do have savings but I didn't work my first summer in University, last year I worked four months at the Students' Design Clinic doing small scale residential design and made less than I used to part-time at Dairy Queen. So, I figure I really should make some money at some point.

I really want to help Mekki out with MekTek because I enjoy it. I also have a number of projects I would like to focus on but I don't have his touch of turning that into at least some money. I'm terrible at selling my work. Ideally, I'd like a couple of commissions for murals (I've done that before), webpages (I'm working on learning that), and graphic design (I've gotten a fair amount of practice with MekTek stuff and of course architecture). But I don't really know how to solicit that.

So when do I give in and start looking for a non-architecture job? I agree with Mekki that it is a waste of my talents, abilities and time but it is money and I would feel less guilty about otherwise "wasting my time" over the summer.

Martha was suggesting suing the landlord. I could make money that way. (Maybe not)

The school year is so exhausting and the way you spend your summer is really important and will have a huge effect on my motivation and enthusiasm for next year which will be critical in getting accepted by grad schools and internships. Which brings me to the next one on the list:

Grad Schools and Internships

Hard to believe that this time next year I will have completed my B.A.S. and have to make the next big decision of what to do next. I do intend to finish my Masters and internship so that I can become a licensed architect but I don't really know when or where.

The easiest would be to stay at Carleton so that I don't have to worry about transferring credits and so on and I do like the "Carleton approach" and I can look into self directed studies and still do a term internationally.

The "Carleton approach" also makes me wonder about the other universities and that it might be a good idea to diversify a bit. So I will have to do some serious research this summer and maybe a few campus visits to see what other schools are like. I am a bit more informed about what to look for now compared to OAC when I had to chose among Carleton, Waterloo and Toronto. I assumed an architecture program was an architecture program. Silly me.

I also have the option of getting my French citizenship (my Dad was born in Paris) and move to France and get my Masters paid for by the French gov't and possibly with the state of the European Union, the same might apply to any of its members. Again, lots to look into on this front.

Or, maybe it is time to work and see what practicing architecture is like. I need three years of internship before I can be licensed and maybe the experience would make my Masters more meaningful as I would be bringing a lot more knowledge with me.

Other Projects

I want to finally get my online portfolio going. It's been on the to do list way too long but it's not an easy thing. I can't just post a bunch of pictures of my work on a webpage. The design and navigation are probably going to have greater impressions on prospective employers, grad school admission boards and clients than the actual work. It's something that will have to be revised as I get new ideas but I really need to make a decision of what I want and do it.

Painting, wow, do I ever miss painting. I need to paint this summer. I want to take Tom's painting workshop next year. I didn't want to this year because painting was one of the few things I had outside of architecture but I've adopted a great deal of respect for Tom and think I could learn a lot about what painting means. I'd like to experiment with some cubism and abstraction.

Mekki is responsible for this one, gaming. Big surprise. We're still working on Final Fantasy IX and I had to put Devil May Cry on hold since last summer. And I know Mekki has many more lessons in mind. I also have to improve my Puzzle Fighter and other "girly game" skills to defend his honour at parties when I have to take on the other girlfriends.

There are a few other projects like building a light table and repainting my furniture, finishing the blanket I'm crocheting for Mekki, etc. but those are fillers of time more than anything.

Oh yeah, and do summer things like frisbee, tennis, camping, walks, ice cream, pool parties, barbecues. What an odd concept, summer activity.

Who would have thought wanting to move out of one apartment into another one would become a six month drama? (knock on wood that it doesn't extend beyond that)

Back at the end of November, Martha and I decided that it was ridiculous to be spending as much as we are for rent on an apartment that neither of us use all that often. So we decided that we should give our notice and look for somewhere cheaper. Our current apartment is only realistically a one bedroom so we may as well officially find one and pay one bedroom rates. We give our landlord notice because we are past the one year on the lease and there is something called the Tenant Protection Act. Silly me, I thought that would help.

It seems our landlord put a contradictory clause in the lease that said the lease automatically renews for a full year at the end of term. So I call around and research the Tenant Protection Act and send multiple emails and notices because the clause is automatically void because it is contrary to the terms set out by the TPA. He didn't respond to any of my emails because it was "the holidays" and then decided he wouldn't talk to me, though my name does appear on the lease, but only to my father, whose name is not given any special title on the lease.

My father, living 700km away and being the one who the landlord would pursue, understandably didn't want to risk this going to court and agreed that we would stay till the end of the school year. In the meantime, we have discovered that mice live in our walls and we had our second visit by a friendly neighbourhood bat. We realized that the reason none of the repairs we asked for were even followed through was not because the landlord was busy or that there were miscommunications between him and his handyman, but because he simply doesn't care and takes advantage of student tenants; a sure means of income with naivete and inexperience.

And so life goes on, we both go away in February on our Directed Studies Abroad and I had a grand time escaping reality and this world of contracts and bills and deadlines and dishonesty and just wandered around Italy (though I did have brief encounters with the forementioned "reality" but I managed to ignore them for the most part).

March comes along with a return to the routine and Renters magazines start to pile up in the apartment along with newspaper classifieds and pieces of paper with phone numbers of For Rent signs we pass. Red circles start to appear on certain ads but studio consumes the mind and weeks go by when you realize that you shouldn't call two week old adds and so the circling process begins again.

April brings with it the urgency of needing to find a place because there is only a month left but studio-deadlines-rationalizing convinced us that with all the students leaving at the end of the month, we would have our pick of apartments so we should focus our energy on studio. We still get in a few apartment viewings and found one that we could see ourselves being fine with. Nothing great but it is only for a year and the point is neither of use our apartment. We decide to go ahead with the application once crits were done and of course "sorry, that apartment has already been rented." So more calling about obscure ads to find out if they are even what we are looking for and a few more viewings. Then, an unexpected basement apartment that we weren't really interested in seeing because of our need for natural light catches our attention and excitement. Not only would we have a cheaper apartment, but a bigger one newly renovated with new appliances and a friendly couple as our landlords. And the application goes through and I am so excited I run out and post that "Good news! I'm not going to be homeless!"

Yesterday, we we're supposed to go sign the lease but got a call to see if minded waiting a day. No problem, I still had to wait for the cheques from home.

Today, Martha and I go to the apartment to sign the lease and ..... HICCOUGH!!!!!!!..... they had just got an offer on the house for the asking price that they thought was ridiculously high. This was a possibility since the house was for sale but the lease would carry over to the new owner, UNLESS.... he wanted the basement apartment for himself. But who would buy a place and want to live in the basement. Obviously the same guy who would offer a ridiculously high asking price on the house.

So now, I feel bad that they feel bad that we don't have an apartment (unless the offer doesn't go through which they won't know until the day before we are supposed to be out of our current apartment). So we can wait, or continue the exhausting search days before the end of the month, or move our stuff into storage somewhere and look for June 1st or I can just runaway and go home.

It's truly a depressing smack in the face about life out there in 'reality'. Is it really like that or do I just have bad luck? I don't like what it's done to me. A large amount of cynicism and distrust has entered my personality. I wouldn't say I was naive but that I expected more. I read my lease before signing and I knew that the Tenant Protection Act was there to make sure anything that wasn't kosher could be taken care of. I knew that requests to the landlord should be written and sent by registered mail, but when your landlord is your neighbour, you want to be able to feel like you're neighbours and that a relaxed casual relationship can get you further than playing the "but section blah blah blah of the lease requires that...." game.

But I did forget to take one thing into account; Money and what that means to most other people. I always forget that one. Stupid artist's mind detached from the real world and what makes it spin.

Silly me, I think it should be passion.

Just heard yesterday, my roomate and I will not be out on the streets May 1st but will be making the migration one block south and two blocks east. We will be in a newer, cleaner, larger, cheaper, with no mice or bats and plenty of hotwater apartment.

I can't wait to move.

Last night I went out to Katie's house warming party and as usual, made people feel that I was bored and that they had to do something about it. I'm really not bored. I'm just quiet. I don't even notice that I haven't talked to anyone in ten minutes when someone feels they should say something to me to make sure I feel included. I appreciate it but I feel bad that I make people feel that way.

I also have a problem with the whole party atmosphere. I'm not a very social person, cannot hold a conversation with a group of people, am terrible at small talk and I really have a problem dealing with noise and therefore tend to tune it all out.

Regardless of my inability to really be part of the party, I do enjoy them. It is a welcome change to school work and a chance to see people who also aren't doing school work. It's always weird observing Mekki's behaviour at parties. He is a very different person in that context but then I guess I am too, and so I would assume is everyone else.

Then, there is the alcohol. I have a rather decent tolerance for alcohol (hence my post-Italy nickname in studio-"chugmeister") and often forget that not everyone does. It usually occurs to me much later that the reason so-and-so was acting strange was probably because they were drinking. But, it is easy to just blame it on alcohol and equally as easy to deny that it was the alcohol.

I'm happy to have met Mekki and to be accepted into his group of friends and I think I have almost overcome just being the friend's girlfriend. There are still occasional moments of awkwardness but I feel that I don't always have to be with Mekki at get togethers. Of course I like to since parties are one of few chances for us to enjoying relaxing together. I can see that in the future I will truly cherish memories of these get togethers and are something I hope will continue as we all move on in our lives and meet new friends and hopefully I will get better at participating in them too.

I'm an odd character and not easy to figure out but I do have some surprising qualities and eventually let them show.

As usual, exam time comes with an increase of people wanting to talk to me and "get together". Oh yes, I know what they want, they want me to teach them the course that they mysteriously missed all the classes for or never took notes for or slept through or...

Actually, I don't mind because it is a really good study technique for me and I have people chasing after me in the halls wanting to ask me questions. At the exams, I have people fighting over the seats surrounding me. Now, I know they wouldn't copy my exam so they must be hoping that my knowledge will radiate onto their page. Then the dreaded moment of choosing when to get up to hand in the exam when I can see everyone else still scrambling and scribbling and I've read over my answers five times.

It's a nice feeling that I don't experience nearly as much since I started University. It was a daily occurrence in high school. I feel so much stupider now but know so much more but in such a subjective, non-quantifiable realm of knowledge. I never get the reassurance that I understand the question 100%. My answers can't be the model because it is only one possible answer of an indeterminable number of answers. It's frustrating for someone who used to get 105% on her math tests. I never know if I'm right but at the same time can believe that I am never wrong. I'm only ever wrong in one frame of reference, there is always one frame where I can be right.

This all makes the idea of grades in architecture absolutely ridiculous. Everything is always right and simultaneously wrong. So it is all about sucking up to the prof. I hate sucking up and giving people what they want for the soul reason of giving it to them. I'm good at it but I stubbornly refuse to do it even with a $3500 scholarship on the line. Why?

Is it obvious that my Newseum final didn't go off as smoothly as I would have liked? My prof didn't say a work at my crit and the last thing he said to me previous was "I still have no idea what you're doing." Most of the criticism from the guest critics was regarding the requirements of the project and not my resolution of them. Criticize my prof then, not me. I didn't choose the project, I just did it. Well, we will see when the grades come out.

It always happens, I vary from the usual bus routes of from school to downtown and I attempt to take the bus anywhere else and it ends up taking as long as walking. Luckily this recent encounter was during exams and I had notes to review but then that brought up the issue of taking the fast way home or the simple way home.

Somehow I always manage to pick the wrong option when bussing. Last night I had the choice of running to catch the bus that might be going the wrong direction or wait for the one going the other direction (which turned out to be the one going the wrong direction). Why can't the maps at the bus stop tell you which direction you are going? It's rarely as obvious as you might think. And so, I arrived home after Mekki when the whole point of taking the bus was so that I wouldn't have to wait for him to be done and come pick me up.

I've recenetly returned from a three week whirlwind tour of Italy. An absolute dream for an architecture student, you would think. But something happened and I can't quite get myself around the problem. The thing that was supposed to inspire my creative passion seems to have taken it away. Or maybe it is coincidence.

How do you find passion in Ottawa when you started getting bored of seeing the great masterpieces of the world. "Oh, I don't have time to go see David, I've already seen Moses and Pieta, that's good enough." I can hardly believe it. There I was in Florence and couldn't take the time to go see David or climb to the top of Brunelleschi's dome? That's right, I, Brunelleschi, could not take the time to see my own dome. To be fair I was only in Florence for a day and a half, but...

Now maybe the lack of inspiration for my projects since is due to issues with my prof or my many medical issues but I just don't know anymore. What is the point? I still love architecture and art but I'm bored and don't know where to go. No one wants architects anymore. No one cares about making a good building let alone a great builidng. I've completely lost touch with the rest of the world and can't understand anyone who doesn't dress in black and speak about the fourth dimension and the symbolism and reality/virtuality of re-presentation. And I can't understand how they have no clue what I am talking about. And furthermore, I don't really care, I don't really want to talk to them.

I am one of those unusual architecture students who doesn't do drugs and maybe that is the problem. I've been asked many times by fellow class mates how I manage to get through it all without drugs. How do you get into "the zone" (that the place where you haven't slept in two days and have cut off the tip of your finger with your Olfa knife and the only thing you care about is that you got blood on your model) It's a scary place to be because you are very close from leaving reality behind and forgetting how to get back. Luckily I have Mekki there to guide me back and give me a short escape every now and then. But I don't really like reality. I don't like having to pay phone bills and remembering to pick up milk on the way back home. I hate worrying about whether my project is worth an A or a B and whether that means I will get my scholarship back. It's not something I'm resolving very well. I think I'm making myself live in the "real" world too much and forgetting about the one I prefer to be in.

I've been having interesting responses while viewing apartments with my female roomate. We are both university students and neither of us spend much time at our current, over-priced apartment so we've to decided to downsize to a one-bedroom. This has brought up several issues. To our friends when they hear we are moving out of our current place assume it is because I want to move in with my boyfriend, even my grandma assumed that. The more amusing assumption is that of the people showing us apartments. Two girls looking for a one bedroom place. No one wants to be rude and try hard to accept the situation as if nothing is wrong. My favourite was the sign of relief when the one guy switched to assuming we are sisters when I said our parents would cosign. But no, we're not sisters and we are definately not lesbian lovers (she's not my type). We're just university students with no social life and no time to do any of the activities that normally take place in a living room so why pay for one? A one bedroom apartment is actually a two room apartment. Not that difficult to understand is it?

I'm bitter and the whole world has to know. I went to buy a tea today at Tim's and they refused to give me a Roll-up-the-Rim cup. Why do you think I buy tea at Tim's? Aside from the mysterious ingredient that I haven't figured out because there English Breakfast double cream, double sugar is distinct from anywhere else. It's tea for goodness sake. What can you do to tea? Anyhow, the reason I buy tea from Tim's this time of year is for the excitement of day dreaming that you might be drinking from a cup that in a few minutes you will discover is telling you that you've won a new truck, or a donut. That's worth $1.06 (the bumbs just upped the price from $1, doesn't $1 seem to make more sense? At least in London they upped it to $1.05. Stupid pennies.) Nonetheless, it's as good as playing the lottery and at the very least you get a tea out of your gambling fix.

So I am forced to do what I never do, I'm going to write to Tim's (who I don't hold responsible, they are good) and complain about the store being cheap rather than upholding the law. No, there isn't a law that protects your right to Roll-Up-the-Rim in Canada, though someday... But there are gaming and lottery laws. And in the meantime I can fantasize about what possible prize I might get as an apology. Hey, I might get that truck afterall.

As a side note, to show the festive spirit today, this Jew wore her Christmas socks and a green dress with a red sweater. Happy Easter. It wasn't planned actually, it just means it's time to do laundry.

More evidence of my increasing geekiness... I spend my afternoons reading online forums in response to posted articles. And I laugh my head off but am also thoroughly disgusted by the apparent level of intelligence out there.

One of the recent issues I've been following is Canadian judge Konrad von Finckenstein ruling on uploading music. I first came across it on Shift.com and it has caught my eye on a number of followups.

To me, the point is everyone I know who used to buy CD's, still do. Those who don't, still don't. Same with the stupid commercials at the movies. If I'm AT the movie theatre watching this, I ALREADY show that I am willing to pay for (at least this) movie rather than downloading it. I pay out of respect for the artist. If I don't respect the work... I'm not paying. Recent studies even question downloading as the reason for music sales dropping.

I do own a few CD's and I listen to them more than the couple of compilation downloaded disks. I like being able to test my purchases and the Internet is probably saving the music companies from competing with the money-back guarantee trend of other consumer products. Ironically, among the CD's I've purchased are Tori Amos and Alanis Morissette, both of whom (I believe) have spoken for consumer's right to enjoy music. That's the point of making music, isn't it; That an artist should be more concerned about being able to share their work than making money from it.

This whole guilt-tripping tactic seems to be having the opposite effect. Let's look at Rick Mercer's interpretation of that ever-annoying commercial about the boy who steals chocolate because his Dad steals satellite signals. "Theft is theft." Well, that's easy. The little snot-nose brat doesn't get to watch satellite anymore. Oh,no. It's CBC from now on. (Sorry, I couldn't find the link) I, like many others, listen/watch what is available. Since I moved out on my own, I don't pay for cable, I don't pay for music, and I don't pay for movies, and I rarely pay for books. If something that I currently use free is taken away so that I am required to pay for it, I just do without, I don't start paying for it.

Something I haven't seen mentioned is that my making a song "available" on my computer can be unquestionably legal. Say I have a music folder that I want to be available for when I am at a different computer. I use at least four different computers on a regular basis. Instead of wasting hard drive space on each of the computers, I just make it available from one to another. They could all be backup files/media converted files of legal music. All legal.

I finally made it through reading Judge Finckenstein's ruling and I must admit I'm not surprised. All this frenzy is about a rather minimal, brief mention regarding the legality of uploading. The ruling is actually about privacy and the fact that the plaintiff presented a poor case. There is no way to sufficiently identify the users through IP addresses and no proof that they were actively uploading for the purpose of actively distributing the material. But that is the media for you. Objective and accurate as always. (refer to Newseum post below)

This has been an afternoon of random blog comments as I sift through the web and so it may not hold together that well but it is interesting to make mini-frustrated-rants to the blog when no one is around to hear them.

"There are only two (government) parties in Italy; the Pope and the Mafia. No, really, I mean it."